Moments become Memories - Love you Dad !!
Shut up,
Shut up
Just shut up !!
I was screaming at my sister and I believe this has happened ( screaming at her ) after a long long time, as I promised her that I will not get into any argument and won't be rude to her as some times I tend to do when I am really at bad temper.
Hours before that, to be precise around 7:15 AM in the morning, she was sitting next to me and we were discussing about a very very important decision to be taken, not a joke but life and death decision, on how quickly to react for a ventilator support.
Hours passed, grief struck, HE was on the way to GOD's home and we were on the way to HIS home. Things moved faster and time tickled slowly. I was always told that the policy of life is to *Accept and Move* but here it was no acceptance but things were moving.
I used to be the most active family member in gatherings but here, I was being given instructions was sub-consciously following them.
I was asked to eat for survival, I was asked to pray louder, I was asked to get bald and the one who was processing this was like punishing me for my sins by being hard, I was bleeding but I was worried about gathering my hair. I was asked toget undressed or rather say that i was asked to get naked, take bath on road and then cover myself with pure cloth, and I just followed it.
I was not conscious neither wanted to be. Time flew, dates kept changing and days were being counted, neither I was aware of the calendar day or date, what I was aware was the number of days passed on. There was a large crowd and it was difficult to find place to sleep but today I have the complete space but still not able to sleep.
Death is uncertain but i know like you all that it was sure, from the day I started thinking I knew there will be a day when my beloved one's will fall asleep and won't wake up again. I used to interrupt mom and dad and rubbished those discussions, but back of the mind I was certain that the day will come. This is not just for me but for everyone, the cruelty of death has to be faced by everyone. If it was my dad yesterday then tomorrow it will be my ****. And this is blady ridiculous harsh truth. Even after how much certain we are, mentally prepared,this is very difficult phase and requires lots of emotional support to come over it.
Days and weeks passed !!
Well, the above is all philosophical, even if unsaid, everyone will be/ and is aware of. But what belittles me if I look back is the moment I started discussion with my sister about ventilator support.
Hold on, think again what Iam trying to say here.
She is my younger cousin, and I am the youngest at my home and what were we discussing, when did we grew this older. Did time really flew away.
There used to be days when we were forced to wake up, get ready, pushed for education was always asked to be disciplined.
I remember a day when my eldest Phupaji expired, some two decades ago, first thought which hit my mind was, so *no school today*. There used to be days when we were scolded by elders not to make noise while Garud Puran was being recited. We knew no values, no rituals no responsibilities. How and why the childhood passed so quickly. I don't need the degrees, neither a corporate job, nor these matured responsibilities. Will I be able to travel back to the night where we siblings were being threatened by dad not to make noise in the night but we used to laugh.
People still say, we need to accept and move, but dear friends time doesn't give an opportunity to accept, it just moves away.
Moments become Memories. Hold them by holding ur parent's.
With love
Dinesh Leeladhar Dodiya
Shut up
Just shut up !!
I was screaming at my sister and I believe this has happened ( screaming at her ) after a long long time, as I promised her that I will not get into any argument and won't be rude to her as some times I tend to do when I am really at bad temper.
Hours before that, to be precise around 7:15 AM in the morning, she was sitting next to me and we were discussing about a very very important decision to be taken, not a joke but life and death decision, on how quickly to react for a ventilator support.
Hours passed, grief struck, HE was on the way to GOD's home and we were on the way to HIS home. Things moved faster and time tickled slowly. I was always told that the policy of life is to *Accept and Move* but here it was no acceptance but things were moving.
I used to be the most active family member in gatherings but here, I was being given instructions was sub-consciously following them.
I was asked to eat for survival, I was asked to pray louder, I was asked to get bald and the one who was processing this was like punishing me for my sins by being hard, I was bleeding but I was worried about gathering my hair. I was asked toget undressed or rather say that i was asked to get naked, take bath on road and then cover myself with pure cloth, and I just followed it.
I was not conscious neither wanted to be. Time flew, dates kept changing and days were being counted, neither I was aware of the calendar day or date, what I was aware was the number of days passed on. There was a large crowd and it was difficult to find place to sleep but today I have the complete space but still not able to sleep.
Death is uncertain but i know like you all that it was sure, from the day I started thinking I knew there will be a day when my beloved one's will fall asleep and won't wake up again. I used to interrupt mom and dad and rubbished those discussions, but back of the mind I was certain that the day will come. This is not just for me but for everyone, the cruelty of death has to be faced by everyone. If it was my dad yesterday then tomorrow it will be my ****. And this is blady ridiculous harsh truth. Even after how much certain we are, mentally prepared,this is very difficult phase and requires lots of emotional support to come over it.
Days and weeks passed !!
Well, the above is all philosophical, even if unsaid, everyone will be/ and is aware of. But what belittles me if I look back is the moment I started discussion with my sister about ventilator support.
Hold on, think again what Iam trying to say here.
She is my younger cousin, and I am the youngest at my home and what were we discussing, when did we grew this older. Did time really flew away.
There used to be days when we were forced to wake up, get ready, pushed for education was always asked to be disciplined.
I remember a day when my eldest Phupaji expired, some two decades ago, first thought which hit my mind was, so *no school today*. There used to be days when we were scolded by elders not to make noise while Garud Puran was being recited. We knew no values, no rituals no responsibilities. How and why the childhood passed so quickly. I don't need the degrees, neither a corporate job, nor these matured responsibilities. Will I be able to travel back to the night where we siblings were being threatened by dad not to make noise in the night but we used to laugh.
People still say, we need to accept and move, but dear friends time doesn't give an opportunity to accept, it just moves away.
Moments become Memories. Hold them by holding ur parent's.
With love
Dinesh Leeladhar Dodiya
😞😢
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