I lost my belief and I started believing

Hi Again, it’s been quite a while that I wrote a blog, trying some new genre.

After bringing 2 wheeler to Hyderabad, I have stopped taking office cab and started enjoying late night rides from Gachibowli to Kachiguda, covering 25 kms daily. Thanks to Airtel for unending data and autoplay option in youtube for continuous songs. Starting with my favorites, 90’s melodies, every day I covered a new playlist. SRK songs, Jaane tu Ya Na Jaane songs, Telugu Hits and few some other playlists. Its only after few days I realized that its Kishore Kumar and Lata DI songs which are more beautiful than any other album. I was listening to random old songs thrown by Youtube until I heard the this spooky Song where Lata Mangeshkar’s voice haunts a group of travelers as they meander through a nameless forest. ( humm the song in your mind with the music in background. If you haven’t heard this song previously, please watch this in YouTube and come back to feel the blog )

Gumnaam Hai Koi, 

Badnaam Hai Koi
Kis Ko Khabar, 

Kaun Hai Vo,

Anajaan Hai Koi

Pal Do Pal Ki Masti Hai, 

Bas Do Din Ki Hasti Hai 

Chain Yahaan Par Mehenga Hai 

Aur, Maut Yahaan Par Sasti Hai

Gumnaam hai koi, badnaam hai koi.

I can understand the state of your mind now after hearing / feeling the song. Well my intent is to take you there too. Something Mysterious frightening and disturbing thoughts.

I always used to think its Imagination playing tricks whenever there were stories being discussed in the various groups about superstitions, especially about spirits, few examples mentioned below which I have heard in various groups.

         i.            I was all good the whole day until I started feeling pain in my abdomen, I was restless, heavy head and dizzy eyes with  discomfort in every part of my body. I only understood the reason after I have received  a call from my nephew’s cousin calling me on my mobile and informing about the accident my brother have met. ( From a elderly sister )

       ii.            He started doing strange things which he never did, staring at me or recalling memories and apologizing for something which has happened long back. I only got to realize now that he was aware that his days are near.( From a wife who celebrated her silver marriage anniversary ).

      iii.            He told me to be more responsible, asked me to advance things than delaying, shared few contacts, to only realize very late that he was handing over things to me and I failed to pick up his intent. ( From a son )

     iv.            She was inside, I couldn’t see her in bed so stayed out of the room in a belief that she will come back, I heard her voice, she was calling me, it was not audible to others. I tried going inside later but was stopped by my cousins,  only to realize that she was truly calling me for the one last time, wish I had braved to go inside earlier, I might have heard what she was trying to tell. ( Lets avoid this who said this )

       v.            Before leaving the home, he said, Good that you came to see me. Upon being inquisitive about his statement, he smiled, cuddled and blessed me, I was laughing at his over emotional act, only to realize later that it was my last hug.

Sorry me !!f

Either it has been boring, very boring or you are trying to understand why I am writing this kind ?  The one who knows me very well are aware that I don’t believe in all this.

If your answer is Yes, I would have supported your decision till last year based on below.

I never believed in all this stuff until last year and always believed that its imagination playing tricks. Thinking that Subconscious mind does a lot of stuff, we dream a lot while we are asleep, and that’s fictitious stories appears as true in our dreams. Similarly people imagine and believe that it has happened with them. I always made them understand that it’s not true with my own explanations ( few explanations were very good and few were baseless, but mostly I used to sell them, and repent later that I was stupid).

I was like this until one bad day in August 2017, and from that day, I started believing.  Why ?

Flashback

I was not picking calls from my cousin, because I was emotionally weak, I didn’t wanted to pick his call as I was not in talking terms, and I wanted to save all my energy to fight with TIME for my dad who was unwell. 

I have seen this many a times and GOD had saved HIM when he was equally not well like this time.  I used to be always confident and this time too, I was (but I was doing things differently.)

Those 48 hours, with my Dr. Sister I was rushing every now and then to ICU to check the reports.

I was pretty sure and highly confident that, HE will fight it and come back.

I was waiting outside ICU, discussing with my sister keeping my emotions in control. We were in deep discussion and

All of a sudden, I called my cousin ( whose call I was avoiding ) and asked him to go home, unlock and lit a lamp in prayers room. ( without my conscious mind permission )

He was shocked to hear me, and equally I was, not understanding why I said that. My Dr. Sister who was sitting next  frowned at me and shrugged her shoulders asking me, what’s are you doing ?

I said, I don’t know. 

She ridiculed me, her way to strengthen me. 

Trying to change my mind-set  she told, Bhaiya, let go and check the report, its due now.

I told her, I don’t want to come this time. She lowered her voice and asked what happened ? why are you behaving strange ?

I said I don’t know.

She assured me and went inside to read the reports.

I was waiting at the exterior door of ICU and started staring her going inside the ICU  from the small squared glass pane.

My aunt who was restless like everyone came and enquired for the 200^th time in last 48 hours , ( I was facing towards ICU and my aunt was standing behind me).

In all the previous occasions I was giving her confidence but this time, I told without looking at her that Dr. Sister has gone inside and I doubt that this time she will bring some positive news.

The inside door of ICU opened, she was walking towards me, I was seeing her from the glass pane.

She was marching towards the outside door and I was stepping back trying to avoid what she wants to tell.

I shouted before she spoke.

Shut Up, Shut Up Shut Up.

And she didn’t uttered a word.

I lost my belief and started believing.